Feeling Hopeless: What to Do When Nothing Seems Worth Trying

If you might hurt yourself, get help before reading further

If you have already harmed yourself, taken an overdose, or think you might act on suicidal thoughts, go to the nearest emergency department or contact local emergency services now. Ask a trusted person to stay with you and help you reach care. Move away from anything you could use to harm yourself, if you can do that safely.

You can say, “I am afraid I might hurt myself. Please stay with me and help me get urgent care.” If speaking is difficult, show that sentence on your phone. An ordinary clinic appointment, an unread message, or a comment thread cannot provide immediate protection.

NIMH recommends direct conversation, supportive presence, reducing access to lethal means, and connecting with help. Its published telephone numbers serve the United States; they are not Pakistan emergency numbers. I have not substituted an unverified local helpline. ^[1]

What I mean by hopelessness and despair

I use hopelessness here for the sense that improvement is unavailable, whatever you do. Despair describes an especially painful version of that experience. These words describe a feeling in this article; they do not establish a diagnosis or a place on a medical severity scale.

There is a useful difference between “this particular route has not worked” and “nothing can ever work.” The first statement can be accurate. The second reaches beyond the information available. I would examine the reach of the conclusion without pretending the failed route was easy or the losses were imaginary.

A person can sound calm and still be struggling badly. Equally, an awful afternoon does not prove a depressive disorder. I would ask about safety, duration, and what daily tasks have become difficult before trying to name the whole experience.

The problem underneath “just keep trying”

Public posts in a Pakistani developer community describe a problem that career advice can miss: repeated applications are followed by exhaustion and difficulty learning or continuing. Replies suggest referrals, portfolios, and more outreach. Those may answer the employment question, but they do not necessarily answer how someone can keep functioning while the search continues. ^[2][3]

I take a question from those accounts, rather than a biography: what support is needed when effort has become hard to sustain? The posts are self-reports from a small, self-selected group. They cannot establish a national trend, a diagnosis, or which hiring strategy works.

In the fictional examples below, the employment, family, and health details are invented. Someone facing a setback should not have to recognise another person’s identifying story to find an answer to their own problem.

Decide what needs attention first

When several problems arrive together, I would write the nearest consequence rather than the biggest life question. “The electricity bill is due tomorrow” can lead to a call. “My life is going nowhere” is too broad to assign to one afternoon.

The table is a way to choose a starting point, not a screening tool. More than one row can apply. A practical problem does not rule out depression, and depression does not make a practical problem disappear.

Make the next hour smaller than the whole problem

Suppose it is late afternoon and you have not eaten, opened your messages, or left your room. I would not begin with a five-year plan. Choose one basic need that has been missed: something tolerable to eat, water, a quieter place, or company. These are supports for the next decision, not treatments for the cause of hopelessness.

Then choose a task with a visible end. “Send my appointment request” has an end. “Fix my mental health” does not. If sending it is too much, ask another person to type while you approve the wording. If even choosing a task is impossible, describe that difficulty to the person helping you or to a clinician.

I would reduce incoming demands for this hour where possible. That may mean silencing a recruitment feed, asking someone else to answer routine visitors, or putting an upsetting discussion aside. It does not mean missing a necessary medical review or silently ignoring a deadline that needs a response.

WHO’s stress guide offers brief grounding and attention exercises for adversity. They can be an optional way to return attention to the room and the task in front of you. Stop an exercise if it increases distress; completing it is not a condition of receiving help. ^[4]

When repeated setbacks have made effort feel pointless

Consider a job seeker who has enough money for one more month of transport and internet. Sending more applications has stopped producing useful information. Their friend says, “Work harder,” while they are already spending most of each day searching.

I would separate the immediate financial question from the search review. For the financial question: what expense becomes urgent first, who can discuss it, and what temporary arrangement is actually available? For the search: can one knowledgeable person review a small sample of applications and suggest one change? That is more answerable than demanding a complete career reinvention.

The review might reveal a change worth testing, or it might confirm a shortage of suitable work. Neither result makes unemployment a personal moral failure. This is an example of reducing uncertainty, not evidence that a different CV will secure a job.

Set a review point for the experiment rather than checking constantly. For example, agree to discuss the revised applications with that person next week. If the seeker is barely sleeping, unable to eat, or feeling unsafe, the health response belongs alongside the employment response immediately.

When hopelessness needs a health assessment

WHO includes hopelessness among possible symptoms of depression, alongside changes in interest, concentration, sleep, appetite, and energy. Depression can occur in the context of stressful events. A real external cause does not make assessment unnecessary. ^[5]

NIMH describes major depression as involving depressed mood or loss of interest most of the time for at least two weeks, with interference in daily activities. That description is not a rule to wait two weeks before seeking care. Severe symptoms, rapid deterioration, and safety concerns justify earlier help. ^[6]

For an appointment, note when the change began, what you have stopped managing, sleep and appetite changes, any substances or medicines, and any thoughts of death or self-harm. Mention periods of unusually high energy or very little need for sleep as well. The clinician needs the wider history, not only the word “hopeless.” ^[6]

A useful opening could be: “For the last several days I have struggled to eat and answer messages. I keep thinking nothing can improve. I need help assessing this.” You can read it from paper. You do not need an elegant explanation or certainty about the diagnosis.

Ask for a kind of help someone can actually provide

“I need support” can leave a willing person unsure what to do. I would attach the request to a task or a period of time: “Can you sit with me while I contact a doctor?” or “Can you bring something to eat and listen for a few minutes without career advice?”

Choose a person who has handled private information responsibly. That might be a sibling, friend, colleague, spouse, or someone outside the household. Being related does not automatically make someone the best choice; being a friend does not guarantee availability either.

If they start debating your feelings, try one clarification: “I understand you want me to see possibilities. Right now I need help getting an assessment.” If that does not work, approach another person or service. Their response gives information about what they can offer, not a verdict on whether you deserve care.

NHS guidance on discussing mental health notes that people differ in what support they can provide. I would plan for a second contact instead of making one person’s reply the only route to help. ^[7]

When you have already tried getting help

If a previous appointment felt dismissive, another referral can sound like being sent back to the same disappointment. I would make that history part of the next request: “I tried counselling before, but we never agreed what we were working on, and I stopped attending.”

Be specific about what failed: access, cost, feeling misunderstood, side effects, no clear plan, or a treatment that did not help enough. These are different problems. Ask what the next assessment would change and how progress or difficulties would be reviewed.

NIMH describes several approaches to psychotherapy and encourages discussing treatment goals and whether an approach is helping. A poor fit with one clinician or method does not establish that every form of care will fail. It also does not oblige you to keep paying for an unexplained plan. ^[8]

If you take prescribed medication, discuss concerns with the prescriber rather than stopping or changing it using internet advice. Tell them promptly about worsening symptoms or troubling effects. A blog cannot determine the appropriate medicine or dose.

Arrange care around the access you actually have

In Pakistan, a starting point may be a general doctor, a hospital psychiatry outpatient department, or a qualified mental health professional. Ask about appointment availability, total fees, follow-up costs, language, and whether you need a referral before travelling. Availability varies by location and provider.

Khyber Teaching Hospital in Peshawar lists psychiatry outpatient and emergency admission services. Aga Khan University Hospital lists adult psychiatric assessment, therapy, and tele-clinics. These are examples of published service routes, not a claim that either is nearby, affordable, or the right fit for every reader. Confirm current arrangements directly. ^[9][10]

If money or privacy is the obstacle, name it during the enquiry. Ask whether the institution has a lower-cost route, financial assistance, or a referral elsewhere. Do not assume any concession is available until it is confirmed. For remote care, ask what happens if the connection fails or urgent help becomes necessary.

For a private conversation at home, decide when you can speak without interruption and how appointment reminders should arrive. If you cannot arrange that, ask the provider about an in-person alternative. For immediate danger, use emergency care rather than waiting for the ideal private appointment.

If someone tells you that nothing matters anymore

I would take the statement seriously and ask directly whether they are thinking about suicide. Asking does not put the idea into their head. Listen to the answer rather than using the question to obtain a quick promise that everything is fine. ^[1]

If there is immediate danger, stay with them if you can do so safely and help them reach emergency care. Do not agree to keep an immediate safety risk secret. If there is no immediate danger, offer a concrete next step and check back: “Shall I help you arrange an appointment? Can I call after you get home?” ^[1]

I would avoid comparing them with someone who supposedly has it worse. A comparison does not answer the appointment, food, rent, or safety question in front of you. You can be honest about what you cannot fix while still helping with one of those needs.

A short note to carry into the next conversation

Use these prompts if they make speaking easier. Leave out anything you do not yet know. The point is to make important information available to a person who can help, especially when you are tired or struggle to explain.

Write: “The pressure I am facing is ____. What has changed in my daily life is ____. I feel safe / I am unsure I can stay safe. Today I need help with ____. The person or service I will contact is ____.”

If you are unsure about safety, make that the first line and seek urgent help. If the contact cannot respond, identify another route. I would judge today’s plan by whether it connects you with practical support or care, not by whether you suddenly feel optimistic.

Common questions