16 Difficult Emotions and Feelings, Ranked by How Hard They Can Be to Handle

My ranking: hardest to handle first

I ask what makes a useful response hard to begin or sustain. Despair can make seeking help seem pointless; grief involves a loss that action cannot reverse. Further down, the example may offer a more identifiable request, correction, or next decision.

For close calls, I look at disruption to sleep, work, study, self-care, or relationships, then recurrence in the example. These are editorial comparisons without numerical scores. They do not establish clinical severity or how frequently people in Pakistan experience each feeling.

Immediate danger overrides the order. Fear of a threatening person, risk of harming yourself or someone else, and serious new physical symptoms need an appropriate urgent response wherever the feeling appears in this table.

Why do we have emotions in the first place?

The APA describes emotion as involving experience, behavior, and bodily responses around something personally significant. That helps explain why the same event can feel different to two people: the meaning attached to it can differ. A delayed reply might mean nothing to one person and possible rejection to another. ^[1]

I start by asking what seems to be at stake: safety, connection, fairness, a responsibility, or a future I want. The answer suggests something to investigate; it does not establish the cause of a symptom.

Feeling guilty does not establish that you broke an agreement. Feeling jealous does not establish that somebody betrayed you. Check the event as well as the interpretation.

1. Despair: “I cannot see how trying will make a difference”

After several setbacks, a person stops opening messages about support because every option seems pointless. I put this example first because the obstacle includes the act of looking for help. A longer list of things to try may not address why none seems worth beginning.

I use despair here for a felt lack of possibility, not as a diagnosis. APA’s entry on despondency includes hopelessness and despair. The feeling does not establish what options actually remain, but arguing that somebody should feel hopeful may leave their immediate difficulty untouched. ^[21]

Start with the effect on daily life and a direct request: “I am struggling to see a way forward, and I need help getting through today.” Ask someone you trust to help arrange care or stay in contact. NIMH identifies hopelessness among symptoms that can warrant professional help. ^[16]

If you may harm yourself, cannot keep yourself safe, or are in immediate danger, seek urgent in-person help through local emergency services or a nearby emergency department. Do not wait for a ranking exercise or for the feeling to last a particular number of days.

Read the full guide to feeling hopeless →

2. Grief: “The person or life I want back is gone”

A familiar time arrives when you would usually call someone who has died. There is no equivalent message you can send to restore that conversation. I place grief above shame here because the loss itself cannot be reversed, even when support makes the day more manageable.

The NHS describes grief after bereavement and other losses, with experiences that may include sadness, anger, guilt, or numbness. There is no requirement to feel those in a fixed order. That is why I give grief its own entry rather than use sadness as a substitute for the whole experience. ^[22]

Make the request match the difficulty: company during a hard evening, help with a meal or appointment, or someone willing to hear a memory. Religious or other personal practices may offer comfort if you want them. They do not determine whether you are grieving correctly.

A public Pakistan-community discussion asked how to seek grief support when daily care had become difficult; replies included both personal experiences and advice. I used that question to keep practical support in this entry. I did not treat the replies as treatment evidence or copy the poster’s history into this example. ^[26]

Read the full guide to coping with grief →

3. Shame: “If they knew this about me, they would think less of me”

You miss a deadline and put off contacting the office because you expect to be seen as useless. Now the original problem is harder to resolve. I put shame high because it can obstruct the conversation that might help; it sits below grief here because the missed deadline may still allow a practical correction.

A major review distinguishes shame focused on the whole self from guilt focused on a particular behavior, while acknowledging the complexity of both. Shame is associated with hiding and withdrawal; guilt can motivate repair. That is a useful distinction, not a rule that everyone experiences these feelings in the same way. ^[2]

Describe what happened before explaining what it means about you. “I missed the deadline on Tuesday. Is an extension possible?” gives the office something to answer. “I ruin everything” cannot establish whether the work can still be accepted. If making contact feels impossible, ask someone you trust to help draft the message.

Read the full guide to dealing with shame →

4. Betrayal: “I trusted you with something that mattered”

A friend shares something you told them privately. You are angry about the disclosure, sad about the friendship, and uncertain about the next conversation. I use “betrayal” here for that experience of broken trust, which may contain several emotions rather than one distinct feeling.

Clarify the breach before deciding what you will share next: what was disclosed, which agreement was broken, and whether it is still happening. I put this above loneliness because the example includes a known breach affecting an ongoing relationship, as well as the need for a more trustworthy connection.

If you can discuss it safely, you might say, “I told you that privately. What happened, and how will you handle private information differently?” Their response gives you something to consider alongside what they do afterward.

If there are threats, intimidation, financial control, or violence, talk privately with a trusted person or qualified professional about safer options. Do not use this conversation script if confrontation could increase danger.

Read the full guide to dealing with betrayal →

5. Loneliness: “There are people around, but nobody I can really talk to”

In a public Pakistan-community discussion, someone described having people around while feeling unable to be themselves. Some replies recognized that experience; others recommended keeping busy. I read those as answers to different problems: missing company, missing trust, or having unfilled time. ^[17]

Suppose you have moved for work. Calls with family are warm, but you miss having someone nearby to share dinner with. I place this above anxiety in the appointment example because arranging the kind of contact you need depends partly on other people. For someone who has company but no confidant, the missing connection would be different again.

The NHS suggests opportunities for connection such as talking with someone, joining an activity, and taking small steps. For the person who has moved, a recurring class or an invitation to lunch could create another chance to meet. For someone missing a confidant, a short conversation with a trusted acquaintance may be a better place to start. ^[3]

Notice when it returns: evenings, weekends, after moving, or after a particular relationship ends. Those details can help you choose the kind of contact to try. If loneliness comes with persistent low mood or loss of interest, discuss the broader pattern with a professional.

Read the full guide to loneliness around people →

6. Anxiety: “What if something goes wrong and I cannot handle it?”

An appointment is tomorrow. You have the address, documents, and transport plan, but keep searching for another thing you may have missed. I place this above resentment because the checking can continue even after the practical preparations are finished; the rota example offers a more identifiable request about an arrangement.

NIMH explains that anxiety can occur without a current threat and deserves attention when it persists or interferes with life. An anxious feeling alone does not establish an anxiety disorder. The effect on sleep, study, work, relationships, and avoidance matters. ^[4]

Make one list of what is still missing. Once you have checked the address and gathered the documents, put the list away and prepare dinner or return to work. Notice whether checking still keeps you from leaving when the time comes.

Record which appointments or activities you missed. A count of anxious days alone would not capture that effect.

7. Resentment: “I keep carrying more than we agreed”

A colleague repeatedly leaves the final shift tasks to you. You finish them, say little, and feel the grievance return when the next rota appears. I place this above regret because, in this example, the same arrangement keeps renewing the problem while both people still need to work together.

APA describes resentment in relation to a perceived insult or injury. The perception needs examining: what was agreed, what happened, and what information might be missing? Feeling resentful does not by itself establish another person’s motive. ^[23]

Put the task distribution into an answerable request: “I have handled closing three times this week. Can we agree who does it on each shift?” If the arrangement is imposed or a direct discussion could bring harm, consider a safer route through a supervisor or another appropriate source of support.

Revisiting the conversation cannot renegotiate the rota. Equally, a coping exercise cannot guarantee a fair workplace. The response needs to consider the arrangement as well as what the repeated grievance is doing to your day.

8. Regret: “What if I had chosen the other path?”

You see an announcement from someone who took a course you declined. Soon you are comparing your actual working life with an imagined career in which that one decision went differently. I place regret above guilt here because the past choice cannot be rerun, and the imagined alternative cannot be fully checked.

APA discusses regret and disappointment in connection with counterfactual thinking: considering how events might have turned out differently. That can identify a lesson, but a comparison with an imagined outcome does not establish what would actually have happened. ^[24]

Ask which present decision the review informs. Do you need accurate course information, advice about a possible change, or time to decide that a change is not currently feasible? Write the missing question before returning to the story of the life you might have had.

In a public career-choice discussion, replies included regret, satisfaction, and accounts of changing direction. The variety is a reason to avoid one rescue prescription. It does not show that a particular career causes regret or that changing fields is available to everyone. ^[27]

9. Guilt: “Did I do something I need to put right?”

You forgot a call you agreed to make. An apology and a new time address that mistake. If instead you feel guilty for declining an invitation you never accepted, ask which obligation you believe you broke.

Research on moral emotions describes guilt’s potential to motivate repair. It does not show that every guilty feeling is accurate or helpful. First identify the action you think was wrong, the standard involved, and what was actually within your control. ^[2]

For the missed call, apologize, ask whether the person still wants to speak, and agree on a time you can keep. I put this below regret because the example offers a present repair. When you cannot name an agreement or harm, examine the standard you are applying before sending another apology.

If guilt keeps returning after a reasonable correction, or makes food, rest, care, or personal decisions feel undeserved, discuss what it prevents you from doing with a qualified professional.

10. Fear: “Am I safe right now?”

Before a presentation in a setting you know to be safe, you feel frightened enough to consider not going. I place this below guilt in the missed-call example because the occasion is identifiable and there is no current threat to resolve. Fear during an unsafe encounter needs a different response and overrides this order.

Fear and anxiety can overlap, including bodily sensations such as a racing heart. The NHS advises against self-diagnosing physical symptoms as anxiety. New or severe chest or breathing symptoms need medical attention rather than reassurance from a feelings list. ^[6]

Check whether there is an immediate threat and whether you need to move somewhere safer. If fear repeatedly restricts your life in situations you know to be safe, a professional can help assess the pattern and discuss treatment.

11. Anger: “That was unfair, and I want to do something about it”

A colleague interrupts twice while you are giving an update. You want to object, but you are aware of how strongly you might reply. I place this above jealousy here because the interruption needs handling during the meeting; uncertainty about an invitation can usually wait for a separate conversation.

The NHS describes anger as involving physical sensations, thoughts, and behavior, and advises seeking help when it is difficult to manage or leads to abusive or violent behavior. Anger does not make harming someone acceptable. ^[7]

If it is safe, pause before replying at full intensity: “I want to discuss that, but I need a moment.” When you return, name the behavior and your request: “I was interrupted twice during the update. Can I finish before we discuss it?”

If you fear you may hurt someone, separate yourself from the conflict where safe and seek urgent help. One episode can need immediate attention even if it has never happened before.

12. Jealousy: “What if somebody takes my place?”

Your closest friend starts arranging more activities with somebody else. You miss invitations you used to receive and wonder whether you still matter. I place this below anger in the meeting example because no immediate confrontation is required, and above envy because a request for contact cannot guarantee how another person feels.

APA distinguishes jealousy about a threatened relationship from envy about something another person has. If a friend’s promotion hurts because you want similar progress, envy may be the closer word. If you fear losing a friend’s affection to somebody else, jealousy may fit. ^[8][9]

I keep those apart because the questions differ. Envy might point toward a goal you want to pursue. Jealousy may call for an honest conversation about connection and expectations. Neither feeling proves wrongdoing, and neither gives permission to monitor a person’s phone or control whom they see.

Ask for the contact you miss: “Could we make time to catch up this week?” Their answer may clarify what is available. If repeated checking or escalating conflict is becoming difficult to stop, seek help with that pattern.

13. Envy: “I want something they have”

A friend receives a scholarship. You congratulate them, then spend the evening looking at the announcement and comparing your progress. I place envy below jealousy because this example can become a question about an opportunity you want, rather than a request for certainty about another person’s affection.

APA distinguishes envy about another person’s attributes, possessions, or achievements from jealousy about a threatened relationship. Naming the wish matters: you may want the course, financial security, recognition, or the freedom the opportunity seems to offer. ^[9]

Check the actual opportunity before comparing entire lives. What are the eligibility rules, costs, deadlines, and alternatives? Some barriers will be practical or structural. Deciding what is available gives you more to work with than repeatedly reading the announcement.

14. Sadness: “Something I valued is missing”

A close friend moves away. You are pleased about their new job, but the usual Friday meal has disappeared from your week. I place this below envy here because the missing routine can be described without reconstructing an entire comparison of lives. It remains a real loss of particular company, not a task another activity can fully replace.

You might ask to keep a regular call, arrange company on a difficult evening, or tell someone which part you miss. None of those requests requires you to be less pleased for your friend.

The NHS distinguishes passing low mood from symptoms that persist and affect life. Sadness is not automatically depression. Persistent low mood, reduced enjoyment, and difficulty functioning deserve assessment, especially if they last around two weeks or longer; seek help sooner if symptoms are severe or worsening. ^[5]

15. Disappointment: “I expected this to work out”

An application is unsuccessful after you had started arranging life around it. There may be sadness and anger too, but disappointment names the gap between the outcome you expected and the one you received. In this example, the result is known, so the next decision is more specific than the uncertainties higher in the list.

First check what the result actually changes: whether there is feedback, another round, or a deadline for a different option. Take time before announcing a replacement plan if the decision does not have to be made immediately. A rejected application does not explain your entire ability or future.

I place this below sadness in the changed-friendship example because a new application route may be available, whereas another arrangement cannot replace the particular company someone misses. That is a comparison of these situations, not evidence that disappointment is always less painful.

16. Embarrassment: “I wish I had not done that in front of them”

You call someone by the wrong name in a meeting, correct it, and then hesitate to speak again. I put this example last because the immediate error has a clear correction and no continuing harm has been identified. The replay may feel large even after the practical task is finished.

Research comparing shame, guilt, and embarrassment found distinguishable experiences, rather than simply stronger and weaker versions of the same feeling. That study involved undergraduates and does not validate my ordering. In this example, the awkward incident is more specific than the global self-judgment in the shame entry. ^[25]

Keep the correction proportionate: use the right name and return to the meeting. If replaying small incidents repeatedly stops you contributing or meeting people, that broader pattern deserves attention. The fact that this example is last does not make persistent social distress trivial.

Seven related terms I kept outside the numbered order

The original list also included worry, doubt, confusion, pressure, fatigue, mood, and hope. I keep their meanings visible rather than treat every label as an interchangeable emotion. Worry can be a thinking process, mood a broader state, and pressure a description of demands. Hope serves a different purpose from a distress-focused order. ^{[10][14][12][15]}

Unexplained fatigue that persists or affects daily life warrants medical advice. Sudden confusion or disorientation needs immediate medical assessment. Neither becomes less important because it sits outside this emotional comparison. ^[13][11]

Why these sixteen made the shortlist

The first version used sixteen supplied labels. I then screened 62 candidates and revised the selection under the difficulty-first criterion. Grief, despair, resentment, regret, envy, disappointment, and embarrassment now have their own entries because each adds a different situation and response.

I left frustration outside the full entries because the blocked-goal example would overlap with anger and the discussion of pressure. Remorse would overlap with the responsibility-and-repair question under guilt. I would reconsider either if a different situation changed the practical response.

Joy, gratitude, interest, calmness, and other positive or mixed candidates remain in the research pool. Excluding them keeps this article focused on difficult experiences; it does not place them below distress in importance. The pool is an editorial screen, not a universal inventory of basic emotions.

How I compare severity, frequency, and difficulty

The published order puts difficulty handling the feeling first, then disruption and recurrence when difficulty is close. The reader comparison below is a separate exercise: it lets you sort your own week by one factor at a time and may give a different order.

Use the same past seven days for each feeling. These rough ratings describe your experience; they are not a diagnostic test. Keep the factors separate rather than adding them into a total.

The same week can produce four different rankings

Take an invented week: anger felt strongest during one argument; worry appeared on six days; anxiety led to two missed classes; shame made asking for support feel hardest. Intensity puts anger first, frequency puts worry first, disruption puts anxiety first, and difficulty puts shame first. None of those statements contradicts the others.

When deciding what to address, I start with safety and the effect on daily life. Frequency and difficulty then help describe the pattern; no particular score is required before asking for help.

When a feelings list is no longer enough

NIMH recommends considering how symptoms affect daily life and seeking professional help for severe or persistent problems. Its public guide highlights changes in enjoyment, concentration, energy, sleep, appetite, and ability to complete tasks. You do not need a precise emotional label to describe those changes. ^[16]

You could say: “For the past few weeks I have felt anxious and ashamed most days. I have missed classes and avoided friends. I want help understanding the pattern.” In Pakistan, ask the service about qualifications, cost, language, and confidentiality. If fatigue or other physical symptoms are involved, include them in a medical discussion.

If you are in immediate danger, may harm yourself or someone else, or cannot keep yourself safe, seek urgent in-person help through a nearby emergency department or local emergency services. Ask a trusted person to stay with you while arranging help when that is safe. Do not wait to complete this comparison.

What the research supports

The loneliness discussion shaped one question: do you need more contact, or a relationship where you can speak openly? The separate shame discussion concerned an adult personal choice the writer considered acceptable. It prompted me to separate felt judgment from the question of wrongdoing. ^[17][18]

After starting with these sixteen labels, I screened a wider pool. It included the 34 starting categories in Cowen and Keltner’s video-response study and the 27 non-neutral labels in GoEmotions, a text-annotation dataset. These serve different research purposes; neither establishes which feeling is hardest to handle. ^[19][20]

The sources support definitions, distinctions, and care guidance. The ordinal positions are my editorial application of the stated criterion to the examples. A reminder, setback, or weekly rota explains recurrence within a scenario; it is not a measured frequency rate for that feeling.

Public Reddit material was read through accessible search-indexed posts and replies where direct retrieval was unavailable. The accounts were not verified and do not represent Pakistan. I did not copy personal histories into the fictional examples or adopt peer treatment advice.

Common questions